Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21
When you are wronged, it can be so painful. A colleague at work betrays you. A friend talks about you behind your back. A business partner cheats you. Your father never had time for you. A relative abused you. Your spouse had an affair and then left you.
These betrayals hurt. It’s like you were stabbed in the back, and every time you remember the wrong, it’s like you are turning the knife in your back and you bleed a little more. Pretty soon you can become enslaved to bitterness and resentment. All joy and peace vanish. Your relationships with people around you turn sour.
What do you do? The human instinct is to retaliate, to get even. Movie after movie glorifies the instinct for revenge: Gladiator, Braveheart, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Avengers, and many more. There is even a television show called Revenge.
But God’s way is different. God’s way is to overcome evil with good. Instead of retaliating, do good to the person. Forgive the person who wronged you. Bless them in some way.
Forgiveness is so hard for us humans. It’s the hardest work of love. But the refusal to forgive destroys you. Frederick Buechner writes:
"Of all the deadly sins, resentment appears to be the most fun. To lick your wounds and savor the pain you will give back is in many ways a feast fit for a king. But then it turns out that what you are eating at the banquet of bitterness is your own heart. The skeleton at the feast is you. You start out holding a grudge, but in the end the grudge holds you."
Lewis Smedes tells a remarkable example of forgiveness in his book Forgive and Forget:
"A South African woman stood in an emotionally charged courtroom, listening to white police officers acknowledge the atrocities they had perpetrated in the name of apartheid.
Officer van de Broek acknowledged his responsibility in the death of her son. Along with others, he had shot her 18-year-old son at point-blank range. He and the others partied while they burned his body, turning it over and over on the fire until it was reduced to ashes.
Eight years later, van de Broek and others arrived to seize her husband. A few [hours] later, shortly after midnight, van de Broek came to fetch the woman. He took her to a woodpile where her husband lay bound. She was forced to watch as they poured gasoline over his body and ignited the flames that consumed his body. The last words she heard her husband say were “Forgive them.”
Now, van de Broek stood before her awaiting judgment. South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission asked her what she wanted.
“I want three things,” she said calmly. “I want Mr. van de Broek to take me to the place where they burned my husband’s body. I would like to gather up the dust and give him a decent burial.”
“Second, Mr. van de Broek took all my family away from me, and I still have a lot of love to give. Twice a month, I would like for him to come to the ghetto and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to him.”
“Third, I would like Mr. van de Broek to know that he is forgiven by God, and that I forgive him, too. I would like someone to lead me to where he is seated, so I can embrace him and he can know my forgiveness is real.”
As the elderly woman was led across the courtroom, van de Broek fainted, overwhelmed. Someone began singing “Amazing Grace.” Gradually everyone joined in."
If this mother can forgive her son and husband’s killer, then we can forgive the person who wrongs us. By God’s grace, we can choose to overcome evil with good.